Illusion ( part 2) - Happiness (3)

 

Some time back Jill met with a girl at work who could not get over her skiing holiday and wanted to take it up full time. Jill asked her what it was she loved about skiing.

She said "when I am skiing I am extremely happy".

Jill asked "can you describe what this extreme happiness feels like".

She said "in that state of extreme happiness I was totally alert, ecstatic, all my attention was on the skiing, every cell of my body was in that moment. I was just 'present'”.

Jill asked her how wonderful would it be if she could be present without going on skiing. She thought hard and said possibly and said "then I wouldn’t have to go on an expensive skiing holiday to be happy, I could be happy all the time".

Jill said "perhaps you should try to be present without the skiing experience. Give it a go".

A month had passed, when Jill met her again and she said "you will be surprised to know what has happened".

Jill said "what happened".

She said "I had been practising being present since we last spoke and I have observed I am a lot calmer, my stress level has gone down and I am enjoying my work. I no longer think about skiing or my next holiday or how to be happy. The most amazing thing is that when I am in the present I have no concept of time. I am still not as present as I am when skiing but I have started my journey on being present and I am no longer fully dependent on an experience to make me happy".

In the above story the description that was provided to Jill of this extreme happiness is what some people in a spiritual context refer to as bliss.

So what is the difference between happiness and bliss ?

If you ask any person on the street what is the difference between happiness and bliss, they will say happiness is temporary, while bliss is more deeper and permanent. It is evident from the above story that what was described to Jill by the girl she met at work was very intense and could be called bliss. The dictionary calls bliss perfect happiness. Whether we use the word happiness or bliss, it is clear everyone is seeking bliss, everyone wants to be always happy. Colloquially speaking though people tend to associate the word happiness with an object, or a situation or an experience that release hormones in their body to make them happy. Similarly bliss is used to describe an intense state of happiness. However the illusion continues to persist with everyone believing that the cause of happiness and bliss is an experience. So it is the endless cycle of running after all types of exotic experiences starts and one gets trapped in this illusion.

How can I get out of this illusion ?

Jill and her work colleague have clearly figured out that state of bliss arises not from the experience, but from a natural state of 'being' wherein the person experiencing the experience is dissolved to such an extent that the one that is experiencing and that which is experienced is merged and only the experiencing remains.

You cannot get out of the illusion, because you are part of it, however you can be aware of it and not get entangled in it. The below will help overcome it -

1. Knowledge that all that appears is ever changing and an illusion.
2. Knowledge that, that to which all the experiences appear is the self or the experiencer and is unchanging.
3. The knowledge that, that which one experiences is not the cause of true happiness or bliss.
4. Full and complete attention on the experience in front of you (the nature or type of experience is not relevant), in a state of awareness that you are the experiencer, until all that remains is this alert aware presence and all boundaries of experience and experiencer disappear. 

In summary that which we mistakenly assume (experiences) as the source of happiness and bliss is an ever changing illusion and is in fact a cause of much suffering. To abide in a state of bliss we must initially cultivate discrimination and awareness, until we finally become who we truly are "bliss".

 

Illusion ( part 2) - Happiness (2)

 

As Jack sat in the park after his morning walk. His wife Jill came and slumped next to him. Jill had completed her 30-minute jog. Jill said she was not happy in life. Jack looked up at her in sheer disbelief since she seemed to have the best of everything in life.

"Why do you think so?" asked Jack.

"I don't know. Everyone tells I have everything needed, but I am not happy" said Jill.

Jack questioned himself, whether he was happy. "No," was his inner voice reply. Now, that was an eye-opener for Jack. Jack began his quest to understand the real cause of his unhappiness, he couldn't find one.

Jack dug deeper, read articles, spoke to life coaches but nothing made sense. At last his doctor friend gave him a hormonal answer which put all his immediate questions and doubts to rest.

The doctor said that there are four hormones which determine a human's happiness - Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin. It is important we understand these hormones, as we need all four of them to stay happy.

Let's look at the first hormone the Endorphins. When we exercise, the body releases Endorphins. This hormone helps the body cope with the pain of exercising. We then enjoy exercising because these Endorphins will make us happy. Laughter is another good way of generating Endorphins. We need to spend 30 minutes exercising every day, read or watch funny stuff to get our day's dose of Endorphins.

The second hormone is Dopamine. In our journey of life, we accomplish many little and big tasks, it releases various levels of Dopamine. When we get appreciated for our work at the office or at home, we feel accomplished and good, that is because it releases Dopamine. This also explains why most housewives are unhappy since they rarely get acknowledged or appreciated for their work. Once, we join work, we buy a car, a house, the latest gadgets, a new house so forth. In each instance, it releases Dopamine and we become happy. Now, do we realize why we become happy when we shop?

The third hormone Serotonin is released when we act in a way that benefits others. When we transcend ourselves and give back to others or to nature or to the society, it releases Serotonin. Even, providing useful information on the internet like writing information blogs, answering people's questions on Quora or Facebook groups will generate Serotonin. That is because we will use our precious time to help other people via our answers or articles.

The final hormone is Oxytocin, is released when we become close to other human beings. When we hug our friends or family Oxytocin is released. Similarly, when we shake hands or put our arms around someone's shoulders, various amounts of Oxytocin is released.

Now, we can understand why we need to hug a child who has a bad mood. So, it is simple, we have to exercise every day to get Endorphins, we have to accomplish little goals and get Dopamine, we need to be nice to others to get Serotonin and finally hug our kids, friends, and families to get Oxytocin and we will be happy. When we are happy, we can deal with our challenges and problems better.

The above story from Jack and Jill provides an insight into what happens at a hormonal level in a human body.

Based on this if I generate the above hormones through exercise, accomplishing goals, being nice and hugging friends and family then I should be happy right ?

No not exactly. Exercising, accomplishing goals, being nice and hugging friends and family are activities that generate certain feel good thoughts due to the conditioning that has been developed over time in a human brain. Certain thoughts through conditioning are more likeable than others and these thoughts are associated with a release of hormones such as Oxytocin, Dopamine and Serotonin, which in turn are linked to emotions and feelings of happiness. If the conditioning that a desirable activity makes you happy is changed to an undesirable activity, then an undesirable activity (as long as you replace the previous conditioning) can have the same effect on the hormones.

This is the amazing story of the illusion that, that which appears to make one happy is in actual fact only a conditioning or an association that can be completely rewired. 

Does that mean I can change what experiences trigger the above hormones if I retrain my mind ?

Absolutely you can. It is a well known fact that thoughts need hormones to change the physiology of a being. Changing the source can change the end result, but let us explore how to do that in the next post.

Illusion ( part 2) - Happiness (1)

 

Ever wondered what gives you happiness ?

Going on a holiday to a much talked about holiday destination.

Buying that brand of a bag.

Buying that exquisite piece of jewellery.

Buying a sports car or the latest bike.

Building a new house.

Getting the latest phone or laptop.

Or the latest fashion accessories.

Or it could be having your favourite dish.

The list goes on and on. It is a long list right, and one thing is certain the list is ever changing

Ever wondered if other than effectively managing this list could there may be another way to happiness.

If so worth examining a few things -

• Novelty or newness is directly proportional to happiness. New experiences make you more happy than repeat of the same or old experiences. As the novelty of an experience or object wears off so does your happiness related to it reduce.

• However not all novel experiences  or objects make you happy, it is only those that you desire or unexpectedly delight you in a pleasant way that make you happy.

 

• Happiness is not dependent on an object or an experience. If that was the case than buying the same phone or dress should make you equally happy every time.

 

• Happiness is felt within you and Leading from the above it at least appears to be triggered by your internal state of desires and hence is dependent on your internal state.

 

• Next time you are happy just observe and be aware what is making you happy. You will discover you become happy when your attention is focussed. It occurs when you are in a state of near thoughtlessness. No thoughts about past nor future, you are totally in the moment. When you get something you desire or experience nature or are on a holiday for the briefest of moments you become totally present that is what gives you happiness as opposed to what you did.

We are inherently happy, but the happiness is covered up by our ego, our desires our thoughts of past and future. In the instant your desire is fulfilled, for the briefest moment you experience happiness because the mind stops and becomes totally present. The fact is you don’t need to do anything to be happy.

Happiness cannot be found either in the future ( if I do this I will be happy) or the past (when I did this or that in the past I was happy). Happiness is always there when you are totally present.

So if you want to be happy let go of all the experiences, objects and the thoughts that are distracting you from the true happiness that you already are. All that is required is to wipe off the dust (past and future thoughts) from your mirror of self and your happy self will reflect back and shine through. Initially all that is required is one or two experiences of the blissful self and once you have a taste then you will vigorously wipe off the rest of the dust. Happy dusting off😀